i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
