The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
