last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
