census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
