I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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