One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
