i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
