I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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