Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
