Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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