Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
