New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
