I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
