It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
