i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
