I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
