Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
