I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
