Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
