I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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