oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
