Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
