what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
