So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
