I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
