you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
