I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
