I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
