So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
