i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
