i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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