Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
