god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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