smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
