What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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