when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
