i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
