Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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