If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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