Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
