New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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