omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
