Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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