He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
