if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
