is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has the fingertips of a God
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