hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
