oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
