rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
