i just had sex bonerless
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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