i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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