Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
