it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate all girls vehemently.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
