i barfeds in our rink
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
